So, when I originally established this blog, I had full intentions to ensure that it was strictly comedic. But something really hit a nerve with me today, and if I'm really going to critique the stupidity of humanity, this is something I need to mention.
There's this new show out, called "How's Your News". Now, I'll admit, I'm a reality television junkie. If it's got anywhere from A, to Ex-A, to D, to Ex-D, to Unknown, to Wanna-Be-Unknown celebrities, (Basically any show on Vh1), I will watch it.
I also regularly read blogs and review sites that comment on these shows, one of them being this site called fourfour.typepad.com (Hilarious, by the way, and awesome screencaps of funny moments from shows). Well, long story short, I just clicked one of his links in his goodbye post to read more about "How's Your News" because he called it "The Best Show On Teleivision, Hands Down." I saw the video there, and honestly... I'm pissed.
I just want to make something clear because I've heard both sides of the argument. On one, people say "If everybody can break into Reality TV, why can't people with disabilities?" and "But they turn the tables on the actors and other people!" On the other side, people are arguing that this is exploitation of a disability for purposes of humor.
And I have to say that while neither argument is necessarily correct in what it's trying to actually argue, if you agree with the first one, then turn your slang usage of the word "retarded" on yourself, friend. There is nothing more disgusting to me than what this show does.
Let it be known that I have a nephew who, despite only being 4 years old and therefore legally unable to be classified as "challenged", is most definitely "challenged". Whether it's with autism or what, we're not sure, but it's something. And yet that has nothing to do with me thinking this is wrong (I was an Elementary and Special Education before he was born, and helped form the P.A.L.S. program [Look it up] in my high school before my sister-in-law was pregnant the first time)... It's the simple fact that, well, look around. It's WRONG.
You cannot stand there and tell me that this show gives disabled people a fair shot, nor can you say that it "turns the tables on the interviewee." It doesn't. If you watch those sample videos with the celebrities, what happens? Arnold is shown giving special treatment to the interviewer, saying "He's one of the best he's seen on the carpet" before they even exchange words. Jenna Jameson is supposedly "punked" when her interviewer, who has a disability, is unable to respond immediately to her statement. That same interviewer, who I would venture to guess probably has some condition of Aspberger's, also doesn't laugh at Jason Bigg's remarks, probably because, as the blogger who loves this show puts it, she's "unable" to.
This. Isn't. Funny.
You're not laughing at Jenna Jameson when the interviewer can't respond to her statement at first, you're laughing at the interviewer. And when Arnold shows some courtesy to the gentlemen, you laugh at him for it. And when Jason Biggs makes a joke and the lady doesn't laugh right back, you're not laughing at Jason Biggs - you're mocking the situation.
This doesn't portray an accurate look into anything, although granted, most reality television fails to do this as well. In the same token, you don't see any television shows being put out there on the premise of "See black people eat fried chicken", "See southern people marry their own daughters", or anything of that kind, so why is this show being put out there in this manner?
Put plainly and simply, there's no room for this on television. You can make fun of a celebrity for getting owned by the media because frankly, it was something they chose to do with their life. But going so low as to mock and ridicule these people and the situations they create because, more than likely, some media mogul approached them with a "get rich quick" scheme and a false promise of true fame, and they accepted it in an effort to make it... It's just awful.
MTV has hit big lows, but this is just bottom feeding. I would like my 1998 TRL, my 1995 Singled Out, and my 1999 MTV Spring Break back, please.
Oh, and if you could stop fucking with people who can't help the way they were born, and just go focus on Heidi and Spencer for a bit, that'd be great. Thanks.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Words are fun!
Those who know me have probably experienced my love for inventing words. Now, this goes in any capacity, whether profane or appropriate.
For example, G-rated words with inappropriate meanings: Flast, Brimlify, etc.
And for any children reading, look away: Douchetwat, Powerqueef, are among my favorites.
So, this reference, as we will now refer to as Powerqueef regardless of who is looking on at this - because, let's be honest, the majority of the older/younger audience that could be offended by this doesn't even know what a queef is - recently sparked a bit of my google enthusiasm.
Let me just say how great of a resource Google is, with comedy. If Yahoo Answers is the mecha of laughter, Google is the God that created it. Where else can you type in something so random and have such a guaranteed turnout.
Well, today I googled "Powerqueef", just out of curiosity. And behold, there were results. Quite a few of them. At first I only saw turnups for message boards, which made me saddened, by alas, there shined a lovely gem among those finds...
www.Powerqueef.blogspot.com
Now, unfortunately, I'll save you the time... There's really nothing there. I was so incredibly disappointed when I went because, well, powerqueef.blogspot.com is just a one post blog. It never really got its time in the sun, or lived up to its promising name.
However, I have to say that it accomplished a whole lot in that one post.
Basically it gives this terribly attractive picture of Rosie O'Donnell, and provides something along the lines of "Rosie O'Donnell fights for women's rights and is the first Powerqueef of the day for it!", but in a good way.
But this gets me to thinking...
Is a "Powerqueef" thusly a good thing? Does it inspire people to queef? And in what way? Supportively? Are people "queefing for a united cause"? Powerfully? Is Powerqueef.blogspot.com commenting women on their ability to unite with one another, and thus synonymizing queefing with advancing public image?
And it bothers me most because I made my own personal definition of Powerqueef prior to ever using Google to look it up. MY definition was just an overly strong and exaggerated queef... But I love that powerqueef.blogspot.com provides another look at the word. One that inspires hope, and aspirations of justice.
Really, in the end, I know powerqueef.blogspot.com is just making fun of Rosie O'Donnell... But it just gets me so sad. If that was really the angle, how come the "first of the day" was the last of all time?
So, farewell, powerqueef.blogspot.com ... You hit your prime before anybody knew you... But I'll always remember how you supported women's rights with your inspiring tales of teamwork and gassy expulsions.
My name is Ryan Lilly, and I powerfully, and queefingly, support this post.
For example, G-rated words with inappropriate meanings: Flast, Brimlify, etc.
And for any children reading, look away: Douchetwat, Powerqueef, are among my favorites.
So, this reference, as we will now refer to as Powerqueef regardless of who is looking on at this - because, let's be honest, the majority of the older/younger audience that could be offended by this doesn't even know what a queef is - recently sparked a bit of my google enthusiasm.
Let me just say how great of a resource Google is, with comedy. If Yahoo Answers is the mecha of laughter, Google is the God that created it. Where else can you type in something so random and have such a guaranteed turnout.
Well, today I googled "Powerqueef", just out of curiosity. And behold, there were results. Quite a few of them. At first I only saw turnups for message boards, which made me saddened, by alas, there shined a lovely gem among those finds...
www.Powerqueef.blogspot.com
Now, unfortunately, I'll save you the time... There's really nothing there. I was so incredibly disappointed when I went because, well, powerqueef.blogspot.com is just a one post blog. It never really got its time in the sun, or lived up to its promising name.
However, I have to say that it accomplished a whole lot in that one post.
Basically it gives this terribly attractive picture of Rosie O'Donnell, and provides something along the lines of "Rosie O'Donnell fights for women's rights and is the first Powerqueef of the day for it!", but in a good way.
But this gets me to thinking...
Is a "Powerqueef" thusly a good thing? Does it inspire people to queef? And in what way? Supportively? Are people "queefing for a united cause"? Powerfully? Is Powerqueef.blogspot.com commenting women on their ability to unite with one another, and thus synonymizing queefing with advancing public image?
And it bothers me most because I made my own personal definition of Powerqueef prior to ever using Google to look it up. MY definition was just an overly strong and exaggerated queef... But I love that powerqueef.blogspot.com provides another look at the word. One that inspires hope, and aspirations of justice.
Really, in the end, I know powerqueef.blogspot.com is just making fun of Rosie O'Donnell... But it just gets me so sad. If that was really the angle, how come the "first of the day" was the last of all time?
So, farewell, powerqueef.blogspot.com ... You hit your prime before anybody knew you... But I'll always remember how you supported women's rights with your inspiring tales of teamwork and gassy expulsions.
My name is Ryan Lilly, and I powerfully, and queefingly, support this post.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Freaking Ridiculous
Okay so I set this up to be "Professional", but what's the point if I can't add a little personal touch, right?
Things from your personal life can help to form a "Professional argument".
Today's topic.
Idiots.
More specifically, idiots on cell phones.
And far more specific than this, idiots on cell phones who choose to sit next to you while you try to do work. I just don't understand some people, you know?
Clearly you are sitting down, typing an assignment or trying to do something. And instead of having the courtesy to just leave the room to talk to somebody, especially when making the phone call yourself, somehow RandomPhoneBoy chooses to sit next to me and let me hear how his friend is morbidly sick and can't email him some work or something. Just what I wanted to hear.
Now I know I'm being too particular about all of this, but really, the common courtesy just gets to me. Other people exist in the world, and it would be nice if RandomPhoneBoy learned that before sitting down next to me and letting me get insight to his life that frankly, nobody cares about.
Now that we're beyond the specifics, I'm starting to realize that people on cell phones in general just get me angry. You know how you see someone with really bad driving skills that are only worsened by having one hand on the wheel because they're too busy calling Kimberly to ask what time the party is tonight? You know, it's the same girl that swerves into your lane and almost causes a head-on collision, or the girl who SEES THAT YOU ARE CROSSING THE STREET AND INSTEAD OF WAITING PATIENTLY, DECIDES TO TRY AND BEAT YOU THERE, RESULTING IN HITTING YOU WITH THE FRONT BUMPER OF HER CAR AND YOU SCREAMING "WHAT THE F*** IS YOUR PROBLEM?"... But I'm not bitter, I swear. I just don't get people on cell phones.
I think that really the worst is when it's someone you're trying to have an important conversation with. For example, when talking about having a scientific discovery that in fact there is a way to transport from Point A to Point B in less than 4 seconds so that I never have to walk to class in -4 degree weather again, or perhaps conversing the importance of the xylophone in modern music, using your cell phone might be appropriate because, well, that stuff is boring.
But if I'm talking to you about how hungry I am or how hilarious some random moment in my life was, you better believe that if you pull your cell phone out, I am going to donkeypunch you with intense vigor. See below:
And now that RandomPhoneBoy is gone, I will divulge into more useless things. Farewell, Blogspot.
Things from your personal life can help to form a "Professional argument".
Today's topic.
Idiots.
More specifically, idiots on cell phones.
And far more specific than this, idiots on cell phones who choose to sit next to you while you try to do work. I just don't understand some people, you know?
Clearly you are sitting down, typing an assignment or trying to do something. And instead of having the courtesy to just leave the room to talk to somebody, especially when making the phone call yourself, somehow RandomPhoneBoy chooses to sit next to me and let me hear how his friend is morbidly sick and can't email him some work or something. Just what I wanted to hear.
Now I know I'm being too particular about all of this, but really, the common courtesy just gets to me. Other people exist in the world, and it would be nice if RandomPhoneBoy learned that before sitting down next to me and letting me get insight to his life that frankly, nobody cares about.
Now that we're beyond the specifics, I'm starting to realize that people on cell phones in general just get me angry. You know how you see someone with really bad driving skills that are only worsened by having one hand on the wheel because they're too busy calling Kimberly to ask what time the party is tonight? You know, it's the same girl that swerves into your lane and almost causes a head-on collision, or the girl who SEES THAT YOU ARE CROSSING THE STREET AND INSTEAD OF WAITING PATIENTLY, DECIDES TO TRY AND BEAT YOU THERE, RESULTING IN HITTING YOU WITH THE FRONT BUMPER OF HER CAR AND YOU SCREAMING "WHAT THE F*** IS YOUR PROBLEM?"... But I'm not bitter, I swear. I just don't get people on cell phones.
I think that really the worst is when it's someone you're trying to have an important conversation with. For example, when talking about having a scientific discovery that in fact there is a way to transport from Point A to Point B in less than 4 seconds so that I never have to walk to class in -4 degree weather again, or perhaps conversing the importance of the xylophone in modern music, using your cell phone might be appropriate because, well, that stuff is boring.
But if I'm talking to you about how hungry I am or how hilarious some random moment in my life was, you better believe that if you pull your cell phone out, I am going to donkeypunch you with intense vigor. See below:
And now that RandomPhoneBoy is gone, I will divulge into more useless things. Farewell, Blogspot.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Isn't this just tragic...
So, I happen to know a few people who enjoy the hilarious shortcomings of others just about as much as myself... One of them recently came across this spectacle on Yahoo! Answers.
... No... This is not a joke.
Let me just walk everyone through why this is so funny really quickly. Okay, not REALLY quickly, because there's too much to point out.
1. Now, this may just be due to my anal retentiveness, or the fact that I'm a Writing Major whose grammar lacks perfection but is damn near close. In either case, just read the entire thing. Not even for content, just structure. Grammatical choices, non-existent words, that sort of thing is what you should be looking out for. And you will find it in abundance. I can't even get through 4 words without laughing just based on this person's lack of skills... at least in typing. Ping pong balls, on the other hand.
If you can manage to get through this without losing faith in humanity every 5 or so words, then I give you my sincerest kudos (but also hope we never meet).
(Isn't there an art piece called Abundance? That's just of fruit and stuff? I think it should be replaced by this picture).
2. Okay, now on to the actual content... ... ... What? Okay, let's go through this step by step.
"Please help me get it out". - Are you asking for physical help? As though you wish someone would come along with the jaws of life and pry it from your um... yeah. I love your wording here though, it allows for so much double entendre that I'm just sitting here imagining other lovely ways you might have phrased this. For example, "Please, join me on this journey of the introduction of ping pong balls into the human anatomy" or, "It's like giving birth, I need someone on the receiving end." Try making up your own questions at home, they're fun.
"no, i'm not posting pics". - Well damn. Because honestly I'd have to say the one thing I would want to see on Yahoo! Answers is your vagina struggling with this dilemma. Did someone actually ask her for pictures? And did she really believe them when they said they were more interested in seeing how it looked instead of just her naked? I'm fascinated.
"but i was trying to practice a cool trick for my man". - Oh, how truly devoted you are. Clearly the catch of the century. But beyond all of this, can you actually imagine how this entire confrontation might have gone down? Not to make this post any longer, but it must be done. Now we have two scenarios here, so I'll start with the first. PingPongWoman and her "man" are getting intimate, and instead of what normal couples might do in the acts of intercourse, she decides it would be fun to tantalize him with her ... capacity. By using a ping pong ball. Unfortunately it gets stuck, although this may or may not have been after they fornicated. The second scenario is my personal favorite, where PingPongWoman knows that her "man" is going to come home from a long day of work, so to surprise him for the nightly activities, or perhaps just greet him with a flying ping pong ball at his face once he walks through the door, she decides to stick it up there before he gets back. Although I do have to say that I hope I speak for all guys when I tell you ladies that... I just don't think ping pong balls are involved in any way with cool tricks that men want to see. Really, none.
"but it got stuck up there and its too slimey to pull out". - There just aren't words.
And finally, the clincher, "i dont want to go to e.r. or dr office cuz i gots no insurance".
- You? Don't have insurance? I'm truly surprised. Wait, I'm sorry, you "gots no" insurance. At least you spared the professionals from having to hear your hilarious tale of misfortune, and instead blessed the entire world via internet. You strike me as a true woman of intellect and pride.
I can't lie, there is much more I can say on this. In fact, I have a link to the actual page.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080313090644AAGf6t0
I will tell you that the thing that made me laugh the most is the fact that this is a "Resolved Question", because clearly one of these comments helped her out enough to the point where she could remove the ball. Thanks Jethro! And lucky for her, Jethro has been following her on this issue for a while apparently, visible through his question "STILL trying to get it out?" Poor Dannielle must have been at this for weeks.
My thoughts? Dannielle is actually this man's girlfriend.
http://i33.tinypic.com/359wy9d.jpg
When the baby came, it also pushed out the ping pong ball. Clearly the true recipe for success. Although, the vampire baby is still eating blood apparently, because that question is still unresolved :(
So thanks, Yahoo! Answers. I salute you most sincerely.
... No... This is not a joke.
Let me just walk everyone through why this is so funny really quickly. Okay, not REALLY quickly, because there's too much to point out.
1. Now, this may just be due to my anal retentiveness, or the fact that I'm a Writing Major whose grammar lacks perfection but is damn near close. In either case, just read the entire thing. Not even for content, just structure. Grammatical choices, non-existent words, that sort of thing is what you should be looking out for. And you will find it in abundance. I can't even get through 4 words without laughing just based on this person's lack of skills... at least in typing. Ping pong balls, on the other hand.
If you can manage to get through this without losing faith in humanity every 5 or so words, then I give you my sincerest kudos (but also hope we never meet).
(Isn't there an art piece called Abundance? That's just of fruit and stuff? I think it should be replaced by this picture).
2. Okay, now on to the actual content... ... ... What? Okay, let's go through this step by step.
"Please help me get it out". - Are you asking for physical help? As though you wish someone would come along with the jaws of life and pry it from your um... yeah. I love your wording here though, it allows for so much double entendre that I'm just sitting here imagining other lovely ways you might have phrased this. For example, "Please, join me on this journey of the introduction of ping pong balls into the human anatomy" or, "It's like giving birth, I need someone on the receiving end." Try making up your own questions at home, they're fun.
"no, i'm not posting pics". - Well damn. Because honestly I'd have to say the one thing I would want to see on Yahoo! Answers is your vagina struggling with this dilemma. Did someone actually ask her for pictures? And did she really believe them when they said they were more interested in seeing how it looked instead of just her naked? I'm fascinated.
"but i was trying to practice a cool trick for my man". - Oh, how truly devoted you are. Clearly the catch of the century. But beyond all of this, can you actually imagine how this entire confrontation might have gone down? Not to make this post any longer, but it must be done. Now we have two scenarios here, so I'll start with the first. PingPongWoman and her "man" are getting intimate, and instead of what normal couples might do in the acts of intercourse, she decides it would be fun to tantalize him with her ... capacity. By using a ping pong ball. Unfortunately it gets stuck, although this may or may not have been after they fornicated. The second scenario is my personal favorite, where PingPongWoman knows that her "man" is going to come home from a long day of work, so to surprise him for the nightly activities, or perhaps just greet him with a flying ping pong ball at his face once he walks through the door, she decides to stick it up there before he gets back. Although I do have to say that I hope I speak for all guys when I tell you ladies that... I just don't think ping pong balls are involved in any way with cool tricks that men want to see. Really, none.
"but it got stuck up there and its too slimey to pull out". - There just aren't words.
And finally, the clincher, "i dont want to go to e.r. or dr office cuz i gots no insurance".
- You? Don't have insurance? I'm truly surprised. Wait, I'm sorry, you "gots no" insurance. At least you spared the professionals from having to hear your hilarious tale of misfortune, and instead blessed the entire world via internet. You strike me as a true woman of intellect and pride.
I can't lie, there is much more I can say on this. In fact, I have a link to the actual page.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080313090644AAGf6t0
I will tell you that the thing that made me laugh the most is the fact that this is a "Resolved Question", because clearly one of these comments helped her out enough to the point where she could remove the ball. Thanks Jethro! And lucky for her, Jethro has been following her on this issue for a while apparently, visible through his question "STILL trying to get it out?" Poor Dannielle must have been at this for weeks.
My thoughts? Dannielle is actually this man's girlfriend.
http://i33.tinypic.com/359wy9d.jpg
When the baby came, it also pushed out the ping pong ball. Clearly the true recipe for success. Although, the vampire baby is still eating blood apparently, because that question is still unresolved :(
So thanks, Yahoo! Answers. I salute you most sincerely.
Introit to a Plethora of Rambling
So after about exactly 3 and a half years in college and still little clue of my purpose or passion in life, I somehow decided that making a blogspot would point me in the proper direction of where to go. How inspiring.
This aims to be the more professional blog while I intend to host a "private" blog on the side as well, but we will see how that goes. I've never been much for journals.
This however, I cannot wait to use (seriously). I figure the internet is such a shitstorm of unbridled idiocy that my stamp has to be left somewhere, right? Absolutely. So here we go.
Although, to be honest, I really have no clue what I could possibly tell you to expect in the days, weeks, months, or God forbid years to come. I suppose if I see something that bothers me, blogging should be the correct answer.
Or I could always blame Bush. I guess after a couple weeks you'll figure out which one I chose.
This aims to be the more professional blog while I intend to host a "private" blog on the side as well, but we will see how that goes. I've never been much for journals.
This however, I cannot wait to use (seriously). I figure the internet is such a shitstorm of unbridled idiocy that my stamp has to be left somewhere, right? Absolutely. So here we go.
Although, to be honest, I really have no clue what I could possibly tell you to expect in the days, weeks, months, or God forbid years to come. I suppose if I see something that bothers me, blogging should be the correct answer.
Or I could always blame Bush. I guess after a couple weeks you'll figure out which one I chose.
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