Freaking Ridiculous

Okay so I set this up to be "Professional", but what's the point if I can't add a little personal touch, right?

Things from your personal life can help to form a "Professional argument".

Today's topic.

Idiots.

More specifically, idiots on cell phones.

And far more specific than this, idiots on cell phones who choose to sit next to you while you try to do work. I just don't understand some people, you know?

Clearly you are sitting down, typing an assignment or trying to do something. And instead of having the courtesy to just leave the room to talk to somebody, especially when making the phone call yourself, somehow RandomPhoneBoy chooses to sit next to me and let me hear how his friend is morbidly sick and can't email him some work or something. Just what I wanted to hear.

Now I know I'm being too particular about all of this, but really, the common courtesy just gets to me. Other people exist in the world, and it would be nice if RandomPhoneBoy learned that before sitting down next to me and letting me get insight to his life that frankly, nobody cares about.

Now that we're beyond the specifics, I'm starting to realize that people on cell phones in general just get me angry. You know how you see someone with really bad driving skills that are only worsened by having one hand on the wheel because they're too busy calling Kimberly to ask what time the party is tonight? You know, it's the same girl that swerves into your lane and almost causes a head-on collision, or the girl who SEES THAT YOU ARE CROSSING THE STREET AND INSTEAD OF WAITING PATIENTLY, DECIDES TO TRY AND BEAT YOU THERE, RESULTING IN HITTING YOU WITH THE FRONT BUMPER OF HER CAR AND YOU SCREAMING "WHAT THE F*** IS YOUR PROBLEM?"... But I'm not bitter, I swear. I just don't get people on cell phones.

I think that really the worst is when it's someone you're trying to have an important conversation with. For example, when talking about having a scientific discovery that in fact there is a way to transport from Point A to Point B in less than 4 seconds so that I never have to walk to class in -4 degree weather again, or perhaps conversing the importance of the xylophone in modern music, using your cell phone might be appropriate because, well, that stuff is boring.

But if I'm talking to you about how hungry I am or how hilarious some random moment in my life was, you better believe that if you pull your cell phone out, I am going to donkeypunch you with intense vigor. See below:















And now that RandomPhoneBoy is gone, I will divulge into more useless things. Farewell, Blogspot.

Isn't this just tragic...

So, I happen to know a few people who enjoy the hilarious shortcomings of others just about as much as myself... One of them recently came across this spectacle on Yahoo! Answers.

... No... This is not a joke.

Let me just walk everyone through why this is so funny really quickly. Okay, not REALLY quickly, because there's too much to point out.

1. Now, this may just be due to my anal retentiveness, or the fact that I'm a Writing Major whose grammar lacks perfection but is damn near close. In either case, just read the entire thing. Not even for content, just structure. Grammatical choices, non-existent words, that sort of thing is what you should be looking out for. And you will find it in abundance. I can't even get through 4 words without laughing just based on this person's lack of skills... at least in typing. Ping pong balls, on the other hand.

If you can manage to get through this without losing faith in humanity every 5 or so words, then I give you my sincerest kudos (but also hope we never meet).

(Isn't there an art piece called Abundance? That's just of fruit and stuff? I think it should be replaced by this picture).

2. Okay, now on to the actual content... ... ... What? Okay, let's go through this step by step.

"Please help me get it out". - Are you asking for physical help? As though you wish someone would come along with the jaws of life and pry it from your um... yeah. I love your wording here though, it allows for so much double entendre that I'm just sitting here imagining other lovely ways you might have phrased this. For example, "Please, join me on this journey of the introduction of ping pong balls into the human anatomy" or, "It's like giving birth, I need someone on the receiving end." Try making up your own questions at home, they're fun.

"no, i'm not posting pics". - Well damn. Because honestly I'd have to say the one thing I would want to see on Yahoo! Answers is your vagina struggling with this dilemma. Did someone actually ask her for pictures? And did she really believe them when they said they were more interested in seeing how it looked instead of just her naked? I'm fascinated.

"but i was trying to practice a cool trick for my man". - Oh, how truly devoted you are. Clearly the catch of the century. But beyond all of this, can you actually imagine how this entire confrontation might have gone down? Not to make this post any longer, but it must be done. Now we have two scenarios here, so I'll start with the first. PingPongWoman and her "man" are getting intimate, and instead of what normal couples might do in the acts of intercourse, she decides it would be fun to tantalize him with her ... capacity. By using a ping pong ball. Unfortunately it gets stuck, although this may or may not have been after they fornicated. The second scenario is my personal favorite, where PingPongWoman knows that her "man" is going to come home from a long day of work, so to surprise him for the nightly activities, or perhaps just greet him with a flying ping pong ball at his face once he walks through the door, she decides to stick it up there before he gets back. Although I do have to say that I hope I speak for all guys when I tell you ladies that... I just don't think ping pong balls are involved in any way with cool tricks that men want to see. Really, none.

"but it got stuck up there and its too slimey to pull out". - There just aren't words.

And finally, the clincher, "i dont want to go to e.r. or dr office cuz i gots no insurance".
- You? Don't have insurance? I'm truly surprised. Wait, I'm sorry, you "gots no" insurance. At least you spared the professionals from having to hear your hilarious tale of misfortune, and instead blessed the entire world via internet. You strike me as a true woman of intellect and pride.


I can't lie, there is much more I can say on this. In fact, I have a link to the actual page.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080313090644AAGf6t0

I will tell you that the thing that made me laugh the most is the fact that this is a "Resolved Question", because clearly one of these comments helped her out enough to the point where she could remove the ball. Thanks Jethro! And lucky for her, Jethro has been following her on this issue for a while apparently, visible through his question "STILL trying to get it out?" Poor Dannielle must have been at this for weeks.

My thoughts? Dannielle is actually this man's girlfriend.

http://i33.tinypic.com/359wy9d.jpg

When the baby came, it also pushed out the ping pong ball. Clearly the true recipe for success. Although, the vampire baby is still eating blood apparently, because that question is still unresolved :(

So thanks, Yahoo! Answers. I salute you most sincerely.

Introit to a Plethora of Rambling

So after about exactly 3 and a half years in college and still little clue of my purpose or passion in life, I somehow decided that making a blogspot would point me in the proper direction of where to go. How inspiring.

This aims to be the more professional blog while I intend to host a "private" blog on the side as well, but we will see how that goes. I've never been much for journals.

This however, I cannot wait to use (seriously). I figure the internet is such a shitstorm of unbridled idiocy that my stamp has to be left somewhere, right? Absolutely. So here we go.

Although, to be honest, I really have no clue what I could possibly tell you to expect in the days, weeks, months, or God forbid years to come. I suppose if I see something that bothers me, blogging should be the correct answer.

Or I could always blame Bush. I guess after a couple weeks you'll figure out which one I chose.